Being Taken for Granted Isn’t Part of the Job

This past month we had a conversation that we thought was so important to bring to your attention:

“When I die, they’ll just hand my laptop to someone else. I doubt they’ll miss a beat.” This from a woman who had just explained how her goal for the coming year was to stop making herself available to work 24/7 and carve out some weekend time from work to eat with her family.

We were at the Administrative Professionals Conference (APC) to host a 3-hour workshop and deliver a symposium on helping teams bond better. We’d been invited because executive assistants are often the gatekeepers for leadership and the den parents for teams, so they’re frequently asked to plan events meant to bridge silos, build trust, and improve communication.

Throughout the conference, as we chatted with attendees and fielded questions, we weren’t surprised to hear how much mental and emotional bandwidth they devote to their jobs. We also weren’t surprised to hear this devotion is generally taken for granted. What did surprise us was the huge imbalance between those two. Between how very deeply they cared about the people, cared about the work, cared about the deadlines, and how very little they felt cared for in return.

“They call me at midnight, on weekends, on vacations. They don’t give my life a second thought.”

“The only time people interact with me is when they want something.”

“I know all about their lives, their kids, their ambitions. They have no idea that I like to swing dance.”

These were delivered as facts of life, not complaints. No one expected any of this to change. “It’s the job,” they said with a shrug.

But is it? What we heard really drove home how draining it can be to show up for a team that doesn’t show up for you, and as a result how very important it is to build a workplace culture of connection and psychological safety.

That’s why we love what we do so much. At APC we hosted a half-day arc of fun, playful activities that helped people feel seen without feeling judged, get vulnerable without feeling threatened, and be curious about each other without feeling intrusive. For many of our attendees, it had never occurred to them that these could be qualities of their workplace. But why shouldn’t it?

Feeling unappreciated, isolated, or like an afterthought does not need to be part of any job. This doesn’t mean everyone in the office needs to be best friends, braiding each other’s hair at lunch and planning tandem bike trips. But it makes a powerful difference for people’s well-being, job performance, and employee retention when there’s a sense of emotional reciprocity, mutual investment, and care. People need to know that they’re more than just a replaceable cog. That they’re more than their resumes. That they’re more than the temporary holders of a corporate laptop.

They need to know that they matter.

How can you help people feel more cared for and valued at work?